Being aware of what you need is not the same as being needy.

You may need rest, energy, validation, emotional regulation, spirituality, learning, time alone, time with others. It’s not wrong to want these things but the distinction lies in where you expect those needs to be met, most of the time. Externally vs internally.

Be clear, I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t ask for help or accept the support of others. But being aware of and committed to satisfying our own needs is to a large extent our responsibility.

“Being aware of and committed to satisfying our own needs”.

That was an easy phrase to throw out, wasn’t it? See how elegantly I side-stepped the reasons we might choose to do exactly the opposite. Reasons like fear and shame. Fear of being judged as self-indulgent, self-absorbed, too needy. Shame around focussing on us instead of others, shame around trying. I’m not just talking about clinicians but the power is certainly strong with us.

I think most of us know we ought to be aware of and address our own needs. The reasons we don’t are complex and personal. Sometimes it’s helpful to have someone hold a mirror and let us see our own habits and beliefs, our own nonsense.

If we can get past that and we’re okay, then we can afford to give generously and accept support graciously.

The antithesis of being needy.

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